I can buy four cars if I want.

Not that high up on my list of things I wanted to do on my own, but very high on my list of things that would make me feel independent was to buy a new car. I've been looking at Honda CR-Vs all summer, and two weeks ago, I decided to chat with a couple of dealers to figure out exactly what this would cost me. You know, so I could build up my savings a bit more and maybe buy a new laptop or furniture before I went ahead with the big purchase. Lesson No. 1: If you go in to talk to the dealers, you're most likely going to leave with a car.

I went by a dealership in Columbia first because I know a guy who works there. Luckily, as I pulled in, I spotted him on the lot immediately. He showed me a couple of 2010 models that were "green-tagged," which I guess means listed below invoice. They were everything I hoped they'd be from the research I had been doing. The manager took my car for a drive to come up with a trade-in value and came back $2000 less than I hoped. Ouch. After a little back-and-forth, we determined that I could basically get into any 2010 on the lot for about the same price, which would mean I wouldn't have to settle for one of the green-tagged ones, which were both black. Good news.

Then the finance guy ran my credit, and this is where the game totally changed. Both he and the manager both came over to personally shake my hand. "Mandi can buy four cars if she wants," said the finance guy. "We never see credit scores like that." Lesson No. 2: There are few things in life that will earn you as much respect as building your credit score.

Since this was the first time I'd even test driven the vehicle, and I had a laptop and some furniture to buy before I'd really be ready to move forward with the transaction, I thanked everyone and drove home for the night.

The next day I told the whole thing to my parents. My dad, an expert car buyer who has taught me everything I know, suggested I check out the Honda place in town. It has just been taken over by a new company and the newspaper story said they're focusing on volume, not profit-per-car. So we drove over and checked out their lot: almost all 2011s, which the other dealer didn't think had come out yet. And they were only about $1000 more expensive. Wow.

My lunch break that Tuesday was supposed to be for getting registered to vote and signing up at the library, two things I had been putting off since officially moving back here. I took care of them both and still had 40 minutes left, so I ran back to the dealership. A saleslady came up to me and I showed her the one I liked best, a brown 2011. I took it for a drive and loved it. I wanted to see what they'd give me for my car in comparison to the other dealer, so she ran down a checklist of questions. Then her manager suggested I drive the CR-V back to my office so they could give my car a thorough evaluation, and I could pick it back up after work. Lesson No. 3: If you fall for this, you will never pick your car back up, because you'll grow attached to the new vehicle at such an exponential rate that you'll pretty much refuse to drive anything else home.

I went back to the dealer after work armed with all the numbers and facts I needed to make a firm offer. The manager looked like he was about to laugh when I told him how much I wanted for my car, then saved himself when he saw that I was serious and had done research. He rambled for a bit about my speakers, which were going out, and the fact that Pontiacs are going downhill quickly since they're no longer being produced, etc, etc, until I interrupted him and told him that I'm more interested in the final number than my monthly payment or the breakdown of new car minus trade-in. I'm pretty sure that also got his attention, because we got down to business real fast. Lesson No. 4: Go in with a number, and don't let them distract you from it.

He came back with a number that was $700 higher than I wanted (but only $100 higher than the highest I was willing to go). I told him it was too high. He asked what he could do to make the deal, and I told him he could throw in the trunk shelf, which only comes standard in the high-end model. He actually did laugh this time and informed me that those cost $380. I really wasn't willing to budge, though, because that's a safety thing for me - I don't want to tempt people to break into my car because they can see everything in the trunk. Plus, I knew I could get a 2010 with the shelf for no extra cost at the other dealer. I mentioned this, but left out that it was an earlier year. He told me to quit using the F-word (the other dealer's name starts with F). Lesson No. 5: Don't be in a rush; you have other options.

He came down a couple hundred and offered to throw in the $99 closing fee. I hesitated for a long time. Then he practically begged me to tell him how he could close this deal. Again, I told him the trunk shelf. He offered to split the cost of it with me. I offered to pay $150 (I honestly think I confused him a little and he didn't catch that that was less than half). He said okay. I hesitated again, this time even longer. I thought about it and realized they were basically giving me everything I'd asked for. I was getting the shelf included for less than his original offer, which he said was not high enough to include the shelf. And I'll admit, I was pretty much already thinking of it as my car and didn't want to drive home in my G6. I shook his hand and repeated the number he had given me.

He let out a long breath, and the saleslady clapped and cheered. Then he loosened his tie and said he was going to go outside so he could get some air. "How many cars have you bought?" I told him this was my second purchase. His eyes got huge. "Do you want to work here?!" I laughed and told him no, while my dad has taught me a lot about this, I do not want to do this every day. Lesson No. 6: Make. Them. Sweat.

I know he wasn't just pumping my ego, because another guy from the dealership also complimented me, and then the finance guy, who hadn't even been around, told me I really knew what I was doing. Which wasn't entirely true at all, because I still got stuck with a $199 anti-theft fee, even though the manager had told me the price we shook on included all fees. Lesson No. 7: There are ALWAYS hidden fees!

I'm still riding the high of negotiating this deal on my own, and I've already taken my new ride on a couple of short trips. I love it, and even more, I love that I did it on my own.

Oh - one lesson I left out: Take your teenagers with you when you buy cars. While I always loved the idea of new cars, riding in them, smelling them -- sitting in with my dad in the managers' offices while he negotiated deals has proven to be one of the best skills he has taught me.

It's amazing how much can change in a year.

Just over a year ago, I lived at Lake of the Ozarks and commuted to work every day. I had a husband who loved me, and who told my mom he'd wait for me for ten years if that's what it took. I had two puppies who gave me constant love and affection. My oldest brother had never had an aneurysm. I had a heart that was empty and hurting, and that I couldn't seem to understand. All I wanted to do was run.

Today, I sit at my computer desk in a cold, empty room alone, contemplating things I wish I had done differently. My ex-husband and dogs are still at the Lake, but at least I don't commute anymore. My heart is still hurting, but in a totally different way. And it's still empty, but I think I've figured out the One and only thing that can fill it. (On a completely positive note, my oldest brother is now doing fantastic.)

I'm not going to get into the details of my divorce because I still care deeply about my ex, and frankly, if you don't know, it's none of your business. I'll just say we both did a lot of things wrong, and I certainly have some regrets. All the cliches about hindsight being 20/20 are true in my case, but all I can do now is learn and move on.

Since I'm a list person, I decided I needed to have specific goals for moving on and growing. I took a long, hard look at my flaws, specifically those that led to the decline of my marriage. A major theme that kept coming up was my lack of independence and the ability to do things on my own (apologies if you find that sentence redundant).  While this alone didn't do irreparable damage, it fueled some of the bigger things that were going on. This is something I can work on. So I booked a ticket to Spokane and set out on my first solo airplane trip to visit my middle brother.

On the trip back, sitting in the airport in Denver reading The Happiness Project, it suddenly hit me that I should blog about this. Blogging will hold me accountable, and I need to practice writing more anyway. Plus this will force me to do research, where otherwise I would just aimlessly try new things.

I can't promise I'll always stick to the independence theme, and I can't promise that my writing will be beautiful and eloquent, but I'm going to do my best to push myself and to be honest. And I'll try not to wallow in self-pity too often.

It's amazing how much can change in a year. I'm hopeful about where I'll be next October.