I've often thought that if I were a teenager in the 70s, I would have been a hippie. I've always loved these three elements woven together and the idea that they can solve all the world's problems. Last year, my resolution was simply: To be happy. And there were definitely moments in which I succeeded. By the end of the year, I had a good grip on what it takes to make me happy. But I've also realized that you can't just "be happy." You have to constantly evaluate your life and the things in it and work on yourself and create happiness. You can't just have peace, love and happiness -- you have to work for them. So that's my 2011 resolution.
(If you'll indulge me, please listen to the corresponding songs as you read each section. I still haven't figured out how to get a playlist imbedded in here.)
Peace: Iron & Wine, "The Trapeze Swinger"
Although this one is first, it is possibly the hardest one for me. I'm not trying to solve world peace or anything, but just to find inner peace. To be at peace with what has happened in my life and where I am now. To forgive others. To forgive myself. To not be so upset over things I cannot control. To be more calm. To be patient for my life to be the way I want, and to understand that what I want isn't necessarily what I need or what I'll get. To spend more time talking to God, and perhaps more importantly, listening to Him.
My brother has been encouraging me to try yoga, and there's now a Yoga magazine lying on my coffee table, so I suppose that's a good starting place. It seems appropriate that this song selection comes from him as well. Please don't read anything into the slideshow that plays from the YouTube link - I just think it's an incredibly peaceful song. And I could be misinterpreting it, but it seems like the theme of the song is being at peace with life.
Love: JJ Heller, "What Love Really Means"
I want to love. Not just in the romantic sense, although it would be great if I could sort that all out this year. What I mean is that I want to love the way God loves. I've heard the term "God is love" so many times that it seems a bit trite. However, I recently heard a sermon that gave it some fresh meaning. God is love - think about that literally. When you feel love toward a friend, that's God moving through you. When you feel love for a family member, that's God. When you see a story on tv that touches your heart and you feel love, that's God. One of the most beautiful gifts God gives us is the ability to love, and it's also a direct interaction with Him! God loves us in spite of the times we ignore Him, defy Him or hurt Him. I want to love that way.
I've already used this to shift some of my energy. I took on some extra duties about a year ago that require me to deal directly with the people who raise money on our website. For the first several months, I was incredibly irritable. I didn't have time to deal with these people, and on top of that, I thought, they should have been able to figure out most of this stuff on their own. I was probably not very friendly with some of them. I would leave work angry. I would get so frustrated I'd sit in my cube and cry. I can't change the fact that they're calling or that they couldn't figure it out on their own. But what I can change is my reaction. Instead of being frustrated, I'm grateful that they're using our website to raise money. Instead of having a short temper, I force myself to smile and simply ask how I can help them. Instead of being irritated with them, I love them. What a difference this has made - suddenly, the people I'm talking to are also nicer! It's easier to solve their problems. Somehow the rest of my work is getting done in spite of the time I have to spend on the phone.
Happiness: Florence + The Machine, "Dog Days Are Over"
I love the first line of this song: Happiness hit her like a train on a track. I first heard this song on the previews for Eat, Pray, Love. Since I'd already read the book, I immediately connected with the song and thought, "I want my life to sound like that." There were a lot of moments in 2010 where I found myself smiling all the way down to my heart for no reason, just happy - it truly did hit me like a train. While peace may be the goal I have the hardest time describing or figuring out how to work toward, I think happiness is the most elusive. I've also found pain and sorrow coming out of nowhere on an otherwise pleasant evening. I think what I've learned is that you have to let the hard times come, because they're inevitable. But if you can surround yourself with the things that make you happy, if you can focus on being happy, the hard times will come fewer and farther between. And when they do come, they'll be easier to work though.
I think I've mentioned Kelle Hampton's blog in about half of my posts here, and I've never even met her. Our lives aren't even very similar. However, she's got this great outlook on life: Live bigger, love better, enjoy the small things. She shared this story in a post about a month ago:
There is an ancient Native American story about an old Cherokee who told his grandson about the battle that goes on within us. "My son," he told him, "Inside every one of us dwells two wolves, one evil, one good. The evil one is angry and jealous, full of regret and arrogance, greed and sorrow, guilt and self-pity. The other is good. He is kind and loving, full of hope and peace, joy and compassion."
The young boy thought about it for a moment. "Which wolf wins?" he asked his grandfather.
The old Cherokee smiled and simply replied, "...the one you feed."
Kelle has inspired me to feed my good wolf. I know I'm where I'm supposed to be right now. I can't change anything that's happened in the past. But if I focus on peace, love and happiness, I can change my attitude. And maybe I can change where I'll be a year from now. And maybe I'll be closer to that life I want. Even if I'm not ... it will feel so much better.
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